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My grandson, Jesse Rice, was visiting Newfoundland and Labrador on his summer holidays. I took him to Keith's Diner for their delicious fish and chips. The waitress came to our table, and we both ordered a two-piece. The waitress said, "We only have frozen fish today." Jesse said, "Can you please thaw mine out before you serve it to me?" Rosie Cook St. Mary's, NL
My husband had a sore throat and cough for three whole days. So on Saturday we went out to a dance and came home late after having a few beers. He was still coughing a lot. We went to bed and at 3:45 he woke coughing so hard he almost threw up. He said, "you gotta give me something for this cough." So, half asleep, I got up, went to the fridge, and got him some Mason's '49 cough syrup. Well, it did the job. Stopped his cough and he slept until 8:00 in the morning. When I got up, I went to put the cough medicine back in the fridge. Marked on the bottle was Vanilla Extract. Took the wrong bottle by mistake, but it worked! Vera Mullins Harbour Breton, NL
My daughter and I were attending a birthday party for an older gentleman friend. She was about five at the time and when it came time to open the presents/ cards she was front and centre passing him the gifts. It was very quiet in the hall and I could see her looking at each card she was passing him. I didn't clue in to what she was doing until she said loudly "Open this one next Lewis, feels like it got money in it!" The hall erupted in laughter and I turned quite red. Bonnie Goguen Kingston, ON.
The NL accent can sure be tricky...
Well my boyfriend has completed the Licensed Practical Nursing Program in the Bay. St George area some months back. During his clinical training at the hospital, one patient was larger and had a loud cough that could be heard throughout the hallway. One of these coughs happened while the students were doing their final rounds of the day with a RN. She just smiled, "Oh, sure that's just the gentleman over in room 206. He's loud but harmless." The next morning my boyfriend noticed one student from outside of the province had came in with a large basket filled with gift cards and all sorts of other goodies. Their instructor noticed and asked what it was for. She just smiled, "Oh, this is for the main in 206 with no arms, poor guy." My boyfriend then realized the confusion. He laughed, "The nurse yesterday had an accent. She told us that man was HARMless, not ARMless!" We do tend to drop that H a lot, don't we? I had quite a laugh when he told me that story. Trevor C Western NL
hot or cold?
When our youngest son Blake took very ill I took him to the doctor. While waiting, the nurse took us to a room where she gave him a paper cup and said "Go in the bathroom and fill it for me." While she and I were chatting, we heard a yell - "What do you want, hot or cold?" We both lost it! A great memory I will always have. He is now 55 years old. Joan (Prior) Gilks Lower Sackville, NS
Snow in September
September, 1964 My second visit to Newfoundland. The plane stopped in Gander. "All off, bring your passports." I stepped out into the snow. Not appropriately dressed. Uniformed person at bottom of stairs: "Welcome to Canada." Me: "Where did this snow come from?" Canadian official: "This is Canada! It's Septmeber!" Me: "I've lived many places in Canada and never had snow in September." Official: "We do. Take your documents to that building." My high heels and I headed off. Elizabeth Howard Kanata, ON
In the Weeds
My husband and I are owners of Hillside Campground in the small community of King's Cove on the Bonavista peninsula. We get people from all over. This particular evening, two trailers pulled in - says they're from Nova Scotia and wanted to stay for the night. When they were setting up, my husband went to see if they wanted some help. Just before he got to the site, one follow shouted "Hey warden, do you know where I can get some weed?" "No," says my husband, "but I can grind some potato stalks for ya!" Needless to say, the Nova Scotian laughed till he cried. Madeline Monks Kings Cove, NL
When I was about five years old our family lived in a house up a long lane. Several poles were needed to connect the power to the house, so we didn't have power for a few years. This was not uncommon in rural Nova Scotia in the early 1950s. When my grandson, Adam, was about five or six year old, I told him that when I was his age we didn't have electricity yet, to which he asked me, "Were there dinosaurs on the earth then?". I quickly replied, "Yes, I had some for pets!" He is now thirty-five and from time to time I remind him that I am so old that dinosaurs were around when I was young.
A Horse is a Hoarse
My then-teenaged brother Bill and some of his university friends were playing a game of Password, where you gave your partner a one-word clue to try and get them to say the Password. During one round, Bill's girlfriend Brenda was trying to get him to say "saddle". She said leather, but he guessed belt. Then their opponent said stirrups, and his teammate said saddle. Bill was disgusted, looked at Brenda and said, "Why didn't you just say horse?" "Well, she replied. "I figured if I said horse (hoarse), you'd probably say sore throat!"
One sunny day my husband David and his brother Mike decided to go out to their brother Paul's place to do a bit of fishing in the pond. They caught a few trout, cleaned them, and proudly brought them home for their mother. She asked them to put them in the sink in some water to keep them fresh until she was ready to cook them. And then she added a little warning, "Don't forget to put the plug in!" Her comical little way of remarking on their not-too-impressive size!
Two Fools With Tools
My husband David and his brother Mike were installing some electrical outlets in our basement apartment, and were just about to connect the wiring, screwdrivers at the ready. Suddenly, Mike turned to David and asked, "Did you turn off the electrical current to these outlets?" "No," David replied, "Did you?" "Nope," Mike said. And at that, they looked at each other and laughed their foolish heads off! Both of these bright young men were heart patients!! Shocking or what?
My puppy has a what?
My 22-year-old granddaughter Morgan finally got her heart's desire - a beautiful little 2-month-old Boston Terrier puppy whom she named Mila Rose. Morgan was so in love with her little baby, and was constantly cuddling her and checking her over. The day after she brought Mila home, she noticed something on her tummy that she thought looked abnormal. So she tearfully bundled up the puppy and rushed her to the vet. She was crying hysterically as she begged the vet to tell her what was wrong with her precious little baby. The vet smilingly and patiently comforted Morgan and said, "It's okay, Morgan, she's absolutely perfect. That little spot on her tummy is just her belly button."
The I love You Game
My daughter Andrea and her little four-year-old son Alex were having a fun time playing the "I Love You" game, trying to outdo each other. Mommy: I love you all the stars. Alex: I love you all the clouds. Mommy: I love you all the grass. Alex: I love you all the spiders. Mommy: I love you all the birds. And so it went until Alex got stumped for a moment. But then his little face lit up, and he proudly announced, "I love you all of me!" With tears of joy in her eyes, her heart overflowing with love, Andrea hugged her sweet little son and conceded, "You win!"
What a mess
One evening, my daughter Leanne made Sloppy Joes for supper. Jessica was usually the messy one, while her twin sister Jennifer was just the opposite. But at this meal, Jessica got through the meal, totally spotless, while Jennifer's face was smeared with sauce, and she had a big drip on her t-shirt. "Well Mom," she sighed, "I guess there was too much Sloppy and not enough Joe."
My grandson Alex and I were outside chatting at the place where he worked, when one of his young co-workers came by. Somehow, the subject came up of Alex's twin sister Morgan being 43 minutes older than him. The young fellow thought about this for a moment, looking a little confused, and then asked, "So... are you two still twins?" Uh let me think about it.
Hi, my name is Steve Sparkes, formerly from Corner Brook. In 1971 I was in my last year of high school, honours class, Regina High School. We got to pick a job for one day, and I was lucky as I chose and got it - working at the radio station CFCB with the great DJ Joe Mullins!!! They had a contest giveaway. If they called your phone and you answered "Thrift Mart saves you money" you would win a gift certificate for $50! So that morning, Joe Mullins asked me for my home phone number and called it. My mother, Marie, was out shopping, but my younger brother Ward was home and answered in a very high pitched voice pretending to be our mother: "Thrift Mart saves you money!!" and my mother was awarded the gift certificate! Steve Sparkes Scarborough, ON
My Toronto Maple Leafs Cap
On the day of my booster shot, it was raining in torrents. So, before entering the building, I grabbed one of the caps in the trunk of my car and pulled it on. Inside, Security was waiting to ask me some questions about my vaccine history. First, though, he said, "I'm sorry for your loss." "What was that?" I asked. He repeated his statement. "I don't understand," I said. "Well," he continued, "you are wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs cap, aren't ya? So sorry for your loss." Not being a hockey fan, I was unaware that the Leafs had done poorly in a game just the night before. "Oh," I said, as I stuffed the cap in my pocket. "Good job," he said. "You might've caused a riot in there!"
Leighton, our five-year-old grandson, was telling his mother what he had learned in Kindergarten about Christmas and Jesus. "Mommy," he said, "Miss Jones said Jesus died at a crosswalk...or something like that. No, wait a minute, Jesus was talking to a bunch of people and he got shot." Of course, Leighton meant Jesus died on a cross, but was somehow confused about Martin Luther King Jr. who was assassinated.