Downhome Magazine

Christmas in the Newfoundland Outport

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A friend of mine from 'around the Bay' wrote me this story - true or false - not sure. But it might be.

Dec. 1st, the lights went on and it brings us much joy since it is so cold that the sun, in order to stay warm, goes to bed early. Around 4:30 pm. As we cut down a live Xmas tree, and it stays up for at least a month we wait until one week into December. That has now been done and it is up and decorated. Next, wife makes her annual Xmas cake, from one of her Mother's recipes. She always adds dark rum.

Wife prepared all of the ingredients then added, the rum to the fruit mix. She wasn't quite sure how much but after three good shots, (hey, who measures) she was happy. (I think the fumes got to her.) The cake turned out lovely, but it was a bit dry. So, more rum was added to the cake in the now sealed cake tin. On the 2nd day, the cake was still a bit dry, so more rum was added. Day three, same thing. She might have added more but now the rum bottle is empty!

The next day was our open house. I said to wife, 'We have no rum for our guests!' She answered, 'Let them eat cake!'. At that moment my suspicions were confirmed, she is the reincarnation of Marie Antoinette! The open house was enjoyed by all, my lady had lots of nice h'oderves, but the Xmas cake was the big hit and the plate is now as empty as the rum bottle! To be on the safe side we had posted the following notice, 'No Smoking Permitted within 10 ft of the Cake'. We also placed a fire extinguisher in the corner of the room, just in case of spontaneous combustion.

After leaving, one gentleman was stopped in a spot check while on his way home. The Officer asked if he had been drinking. He replied, 'No.' The Officer said, 'I can smell alcohol on your breath'. Well, he replied, 'I did have some of Mrs. (name deleted)'s Xmas cake. In fact, it was so good I had at least 6 pieces'. The Officer said, 'I am going to give you a breathalyzer test'. 'Is that really necessary Officer?' 'Yes, I am afraid so'. The gentleman failed the test and was given a citation with the heading of, 'Driving under the Influence of Xmas cake'. It is said that this is the first case ever to be found in Nfld. My good lady feels responsible and offered to pay half of the gentleman's fine.

Anonymous (on the grounds that it might incriminate someone)

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