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Bless this couple
Years ago, when I was a pastor, my wife and I were invited to the wedding reception of friends of ours. Later, I was unexpectedly asked to conclude the event with prayer. Without putting a lot of thought into it, I prayed a routine prayer, then added, "God, we ask that you would bless this fine couple as they go their separate ways." Thankfully, despite my prayer, they are still together!
Last November, my friend and I were at Wallmart helping with the Poppy Campaign. I'm was in a wheelchair and had decided not to wear my prosthetic leg. However, I sat on a chair behind the table. Everything was great. My friend and I were all dressed up in our legion uniforms. The poppies were in trays and a few large poppies, pins, etc. were on display.
When it was time for us to leave, the poppy chairman and his wife came by to change the trays and two male legionnaires were there to relieve us. A Wallmart employee was also there to help with the wheelchair.
As I went to go from the chair to the wheelchair I made a hop on my right (and only) leg and as I did, my slacks fell right to the floor and I could not let go to pull them up. Embarrassing? Yes, but we did have a great laugh!
No Movies This Week (for the Life's Funny page)
When we were kids growing up in Grand Falls in the 1950-60s, we considered ourselves the luckiest family in town. Why? Our mother was the ticket seller at the old Popular Theatre. And we got to see all the latest movies for free.
One day Mom told us we weren't allowed to go to the "show" (movies) that week. She explained that the risque movie, Peyton Place was playing. And it was suitable only for adults.
I knew that my younger brother had misunderstood Mom's explanation when I overheard him tell one of his pals, "We can't go to the show this week. They're Paintin' the Place."
Adventures in the Rock
July 23, 2015
Randy, a die hard Newfoundlander and I, his wife, a mainlander, decided to buy a piece of the "rock," and drive there to enjoy the "laid back of the land" atmosphere. Among other things, Randy wanted to go see his favourite entertainment group, and such was his excitment when he found out they were performing an hour way, he decided we go see them.
We're on our way up north whatever that means as I thought we were already north enough, living in the Lewisporte area. Heading to Newfoundaland's famous Twillingate, where the icebergs float like Disney castles shimmering in the shore and the Menkes and the Humpback frolic in the cold, frigid water was a run often taken by us, but this time, it was different, it was at night and the weather breathed of anger. Anyways we travel through crater filled roads, and rain covered highways with fog, leaving us with minimal visibility, and the nerve wracking fear of the seemingly impending massive moose hitting us, which for your imformation has killed hundreds of Newfoundlanders in the last year. One thought gives me some solace however, and that is that I've got nothing to worry about "cause I'm not a Newfoundlaner." Anyways, Randy is so excited because he's gonna see, "Buddy, what's his name and the odder feller"! Live! Show starts at 8 and as Josh, our youngest son can attest to this, leaving way too early is a big problem in our household. I've a hard time convincing him that 5 0'clock is a tad too early. Finally, on we trudge as Randy with either excitement or perhaps a sense of doom at not being there for five o'clock, zooms through partly paved roads where either side is the ocean spitting angry foam waves at us not more than a foot away. Watching Randy zipping, going around curves with only one thumb and forefingers holding on to the stearing wheels skidding on rain covered roads, the violent waves being thrown on our vehicle made me come up with a brilliant albeit desperate plan, one I woud not normallly have unless I was comatose with delirium..we would not, could not drive home tonight in these conditions. Plan B had to be inplemented, we would indeed not drive back tonight in these horrendous conditions, noway, no siree, not me. And to my relief, the moose a.k.a Randy agreed. Yes, we would stay over at one of his old girlfriend's house, a stone's throw away, or as they say here, as the crow flies, whatever that means. It must have been in a moment of insanity, for me to come up with that plan, but heck, desperate people do desperate things, such was my quandumdrom, not only that but I even managed to somewhat placate my anxiety with the thought of having a cup of tea there to calm me nerves.
Anyways, as we enter the stadium to watch the show, I dont mind telling you my knees shake and my heart skips beats with the trepidation of the show...what's their name? or was it the fear of going back over those same roads?
The show is over, the moose is overwhelmed with joy, and I prepare myself for the second leg of the journey. I know it's not going to be pretty, me with me nerves and the moose with his mind on the show instead of the driving.
Although the dense, almost suffocating fog pervades the whole drive back, and the seemingly endless black road ahead triggers my already raw nerves to a height unknown before, we get there to our second choice destination in one piece. No time for tea though, the ex girlfriend looks too good, time to hit the hay.
And this my friends was the first of our many adventures in the great Rock, which continues to beckon us to go back and taste of its many flavours.
I STANDS WHERE?
Many years ago when I was living in Goose Bay, a co-worker of mine named Scott, was participating in a fundraising campaign by standing in as a deejay on the local radio station, taking requests for songs to be played. He was a little stumped by one of the requests, and said, "Well, folks, I never heard of this one, but it sounds like a good old fishin' song. It's called "I Stands In The Stream" Then he started to laugh and said, "One of the boys just told me I read it wrong. The name of the song is actually ";Islands In The Stream" by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers" He never lived that one down!
Pancake Tuesday I face time my 9 year old niece to check in on her...the conversation went as so
Me: hey kidlet, how were your pancakes
Sarah: uh pancakes?
Me: didn't you have pancakes for supper
Sarah: ah no I had hot dogs
Me: oh why, it's pancake Tuesday after all?
Sarah: huh I thought it was Taco Tuesday...
What else is there to say....
Do you speak Canadian?
I spent last evening with my husbands niece and her son Kaleb in Pennsylvania.
He asked me, "you're from Canada right?"
Kaleb, "How do you say Hello in Canadian?"
Kaleb, "Yeah, how do you say it?"
Kaleb, "Yeah I know how to say it in American, how do you say it in Canadian?"
Kaleb, "No, seriously, how do you say it?"
Me "...ummmm.....Whaddaya at."
Kaleb, "Whaddaya at?" "cool! whaddaya at!.... I can speak Canadian!"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I died!
The orange spider sac
A few years ago I was grocery shopping in one of the largest stores in the city I was living in at the time. I was wandering through the produce isle when I saw the oranges; they looked wonderful and smelled amazing so I decided to pick up a couple. As I was picking through them I observed something small and white stuck to my finger, seeing a spider sac I freaked out; I tossed the orange in my hand and started yelling and shaking my hand vigorously. After what seemed an eternity and practically in tears I realized it was not going to shake off, I stopped shaking my hand so as to scrape it onto the wooden crate the oranges were in. At that point I noticed the "sac" was in fact a sticker off one of the oranges! It was only then that I became conscious of the number of people watching me make a spectacle of myself; I turned calmly and walked away. I didn't get any oranges that day!
Some years ago, with our Newfoundland-Labrador economy in a downturn, my brother decided to take his young family to B.C. for a new beginning. He packed everything in the car including his family and headed out. As they were going through Quebec, they decided to stop at a restaurant. The servers were all French speaking and they found it difficult to order their meals. When the youngest son, 7 years old, asked his mother why she was having trouble ordering she told him that they spoke French in Quebec while most other people in Canada, including NL, spoke English. After they were finished eating and had left the restaurant they were driving through the St. Lawrence valley where herds of cows were grazing. The son looked at his mother and in all sincerity blurted out, "mom, how does a cow say moo in French?"
A friend of mine from Beaumont, Long Island,i nvited her sister and her husband as well as his father for Christmas dinner as they were visiting from Labrador. A great cook, she knew that he loved peas pudding and decided to make one for the occasion. While they were in they were in the living room chatting about old times, she asked her elderly mother, herself a great cook in the traditional NL way, to check and see if the pudding was done. A few minutes later her mother called out to her from the kitchen and told her that the pudding looked kind of odd and lumpy. Some of the peas were cooked but something seemed very different. Upon closer inspection she realized that there were popcorn kernels, ready to explode, mixed in with the peas. She then realized that she had two containers in the kitchen pantry, one for peas and the other for popcorn kernels.The kids had unknowingly put the kernels in the container with the peas. Needless to say she was totally embarrassed and a great laugh was had at her expense!
went to work at our local arena, i had done laundry earlier that day, was running late, grabbed my coat out of the dryer and off to work. got to work, and figure skaters wanted a flood right away. i jumped on zamboni, was doing the flood, and people were laughing and giving me the look.when i finished the flood, and hung up my coat, there were a pair of my wifes panties stuck to the velcro on the back of my coat collar for all to see. was a great laugh.
My husband and I live in Ontario but finally decided it was time for a visit to Newfoundland. Before arriving in Newfoundland we drove over the Cabot Trail where a lot of construction was going on this past summer. Our two week old car was covered in dirt. After spending the night in Codroy Valley we arrived in Corner Brook filled the car with gas and I said "we have to get the car washed"...
At the car wash I told them I just needed a car wash to get the dirt off. A gentleman standing in the office told me "My dear! there is no dirt in Newfoundland. The only dirt here is what you'll hear on the radio!"...then continued to tell me what station to listen to and what time I could hear this dirt!" We're still laughing over his comment.
Life's funny ain't it
Remembering back when I was a kid and there was a bunch of us. One day mother came home with a big surprise for us, a Popsicle on a stick, the first one we ever saw, what a treat, now being so exited and not wanting to eat it all at once what would we do to save half for later,no refrigerators in our area back then, so of course me being the oldest and the smart one I suggested we tie a string on the stick and put the half in the well, sure the cold water would do the trick hey, well it sure did,when we returned to the well to retrieve the remainder of our treat,well you can imagine the look on all our faces, nothing but the line and sticks floating on the water, now boy what a ribbing I took over that, they still remind me of that to this day whenever we get together.
Eaton's Catalogue Order
A number of years ago an older gentlemen living in outport Newfoundland found it difficult to keep toilet paper on hand for his outhouse. With no car and the local store sold out he decided to call Eaton's Catalogue Order Office. When asked by the order desk sales clerk what he wanted to order he said "toilet paper!" She told him he just could call and ask for toilet paper and that he had to have the number next to the toilet paper in the Catalogue. He said, "my dear if I had the Eaton's Catalogue do you think I would be calling you for toilet paper for the outhouse!"
My brother and his wife used to spend a good many weekends at their cabin alongside a pond in central NL. Unfortunately they went in one weekend and discovered that someone had broken in and had taken a number of items. They decided from then on to take some valuables home with them and hide the others. On the next trip to the cabin they found everything to be in order, so they lit the enterprise wood stove and were settling in for the night. Suddenly he told his wife that he smelled plastic burning. She jumped up from the couch when she remembered that she had placed their 12" tv in the oven for safe keeping .Except for a few melted corners they managed to salvage it. They enjoyed a god laugh. Shortly after he went outside and saw the gentleman who owned the next cabin and whose wife had stayed home. He asked him if he wanted to join them for supper. When his neighbour asked what was on the menu, my brother, a known wit, replied, "tv dinner".
A Cheshire Dog
An elderly couple, friends of mine, traveled to Alberta to spend the winter with their daughter and her family.The daughter's mother forgot to remove her false teeth when she retired for the night with her husband. Not wanting to get out of bed again she decided to take them out, wrap them in a tissue and place them under the pillow. Next morning she got up and went to the washroom only to discover that she had forgotten to retrieve them. She went back to the bedroom and to her dismay found that her grandson's dog had chewed them to pieces. She wasn't too happy especially as her husband started to laugh while the dog looked at her with a strange smile on his face!
Our grandson Liam was four years old and our granddaughter Ella was two. It was Dec 23rd and both were very excited about Christmas. Poppa decided to dress up as Santa and bring an early gift to the kids. He sneaked out of the house in his red suit and while we kept the kids away from the windows he walked down to the back of our yard. When he started walking towards the house we made sure the kids were close to the window and could see him. Ella spotted him first and started yelling 'Santa, Santa, and pointing towards him. Liam took one look at Santa, and with a concerned look on his face he ran into his room, jumped into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. Santa came into the house, and it didn't take much coaxing to get Ella up on his knee, but no amount of coaxing could get Liam out of his bed. Finally Santa asked Ella if she would give her cousin a gift for him and of course she said yes. Liam's dad (who was trying to coax him out of bed) said to him "Liam buddy, don't you think you should say thank you to Santa?" Liam quickly jumped out of bed and walked out into the living room rubbing his eyes and said "Santa, I was sleeping." We still talk about this every Christmas, especially when we hear parenta tellng their kids you have to be in bed and fast asleep when Santa comes.