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Reveal the hilarious things that have happened in your life, and let us all have a chuckle with you!
Scene Out of a Movie
In 2005, my grandson Aaron was five years old. The movie Garfield was released and Aaron must have watched that darn movie a hundred times. We were sick and tired of hearing about it. He knew every detail. One evening, while he was watching Garfield yet again, I called him for supper. On his plate was a piece of lasagne (Garfield's favourite food), which was on the menu for that meal.
"Yuck," he said. "I'm not eating that!"
Puzzled I asked "And why not?"
"Cuz," he said, "that's cat food!"
Try This Trick
One sunny day, my brother-in-law Lorne was sitting in the backyard with his three-year-old grandson Jack. Lorne was enjoying a rare cigar, and much to Jack's delight, was blowing smoke rings. After much giggling and cries for more, more, more, Jack finally said, "Okay, Poppy, now make me an X."
Morris Parrot Has Had Them
Morris Parrot Has Had Them
Here is a humorous little story with a NL flavour which I would like to share with my fellow Newfoundlanders. My dear old Dad, from St. John's, was an avid bird hunter, and partridge was his favourite game. He related this story to me and vowed it was true. He and his good friend Roger, who was formerly from Perry's Cove, CB were hunting on the Hearts Content Barrens. Before starting their day they dropped into a little store in that community looking for fresh eggs for breakfast. When Roger asked the proprietor if he had any, the gentleman replied "narn, but marspartbinaddem". Not wanting to appear ignorant my dad said nothing, but after they left the store he turned to Roger and said, "My goodness, Roger, what did that man just say." Roger, being originally from the area and understanding the dialect, replied, " Didn't you understand? He said he had none, but Morris Parrot (the proprietor of a store further down the shore) has had them. So much for NL dialect and humour.. What I admire most about we Newfoundlanders and our humour is our ability to laugh with, and not at, one another.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Up Agin Da Rock
Up Agin da Rock
My dad told me this story, supposedly true, some years ago. He had a collection of many such stories.
It seems that the Anglican Bishop of Newfoundland would go around in his vessel performing baptisms, weddings, communions and the like, at the various communities around the coast, sometimes well after the fact. On one occasion he arrived at one community and in conversation with Uncle Garge asked how his family was doing. Uncle Garge replied that all were well, except for his daughter. "Well", replied the Bishop, "what's her problem"?, "Well, Skipper Bishop," Uncle Garge replied, pointing to his daughter with a group of friends, "its my daughter; dar she is up agin da rock, and narry a ting done to her yit", referring, of course, to her communion.
Only in NL.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Sitting Around for a Drink
Sitting Around for a Drink
I have enjoyed reading your "Life's Funny" section now for some time and thought I might chime in by telling you a funny story related to me by my late father back in the 1950s. It is supposedly true, or so my Dad claimed, and goes like this:
Some years ago a prominent St John's merchant, for purposes of this story I'll call him as "Skipper Gerald", frequently paid a visit to his customers around the NL coast in his vessel in the summertime. When he arrived at each little harbour he would tie up, and visitors would come aboard and yarn, bringing Skipper Gerald up to date on the "goings on" in their community. Of course, as was the custom, this was always accompanied by a little toddy of rum, and sometimes even more than one, depending how much was needed to get his visitors talking. Sometimes the offer of a drink was a little slow coming. On one occasion Skipper Gerald asked Uncle Harry if anything interesting had happened over the year, to which he replied ""Yes, Uncle Jed's sow had born 13 piglets". "So, what's so strange about that" replied Skipper Gerald? "Well", answered Uncle Harry, "the sow only had 12 teats". "What did the 13th piglet do", asked Skipper Gerald? "Well", replied Uncle Harry, "he just sat around looking for a drink, the same as I is right now".
How's that for NL humour?
Halifax, Nova Scotia
A Crash Course
Some years ago, I worked at the Iron Ore Company of Canada bush camp and construction site in Western Labrador. The area was called the Carol Project and, later, Labrador City. The only access to the site was by air, or on a branch rail line from The Quebec and North Shore & Labrador railway from Seven Islands.
Therefore, it was with no little interest that my best friend and roommate brought in his brand new 1961 Volkswagen Beetle. With very few automobiles on the site, interest in riding in it became very high.
It was not unusual, therefore, for our friends to ask to take the Beetle for a spin. My friend, being the genial chap that he was, handed one friend, Pat, the keys and bid him happy journey. Pat hopped in and took off.
Now the only road in the camp was either to the mine site, which was off limits to the general public, or to the airstrip, a distance of about one mile. A company Beaver aircraft used for commuting to Knob Lake and Seven Islands was parked at the end of the airstrip, where the gravel road ended with a sharp turn and downhill slope.
Travelling this road at a fairly good clip, Pat drove around the turn, down the slope and was unable to control the Beetle. He crashed the car into the plane, shearing off the landing gear and causing other minor damage.
The Beaver was out of commission for about two weeks and Pat was chastised for not driving carefully enough.
I once had a friend who went out exploring with his father after moving here to newfoundland(from another country). And this story was told to me by my friend, ad his point of view. So:
They were in a cow pasture, and after seeing the place a couple of times, they noticed a new animal in the pasture. So he asked his father what it was and he said" oh they're sheep".
And in order to go to the open field they must pass through a gate. So they went out into the open field, and noticed that the sheep had escaped.
His father said they had to get the sheep back in, or else the farmers would be upset.
So they chased the sheep around for 3 hours, only to find that they couldn't get them and it was late.
So when they got back the father got his wife to look up on the internet how you can get your sheep back.
So for 2 weeks they tried to get the sheep back.
Alas to no avail they did not come back, so they decided that they had better tell the farmers they lost their sheep.
So they went out to the nearby community and asked a lady if she knew who owned the pasture nearby with the cows and sheep.
The lady said" Pasture with cows and sheep? I know of a pasture with cows, but not sheep."
The father said" Well there must be, because we lost sheep"
So his son showed a picture of the sheep on his phone, to prove that there was sheep in the pasture.
Then the lady said" Those aren't sheep me dear, they're CARIBOU"
Grand-daughter's Love For Pop
We were down visiting our 4 year old Grand-daughter in Trinidad and while she was sitting on her Pop's lap, she looked at him in the eye and said, "Pop, when I grow up I'm going to marry you!"
My Most Embarrassing Moment
It was August 1943. I got home after work, hopped on my bicycle and peddled off to the Mille Isle River for a swim. Along with me was my pet dog, an Airdale named Bozo.
On my way I saw a girl I knew at the roadside talking with her parents and sister. So I stopped to say hello. After a few moments I noticed that Bozo was becoming very restless but I, stupidly, ignored him.
Then the people I was talking with started laughing and laughing, looking towards the ground and Bozo. I suddenly felt something on my leg. When I looked down, there was Bozo relieving himself on my leg, and he did not miss one squirt.
Needless to say, I was very embarrassed and was never allowed to live the event down.
My 5 year old daughter announced at supper one evening that she had found a new channel on TV that she liked. She said "Mom, I loves that new channel 26"!.
I replied "Oh? I'm not sure what that channel is about".
She said "you knows the one where they're fighting all the time and everyone hates each other"!!
She then proceeded to put channel 26 on to show me. And lo and behold...it was the House of Commons channel!!!!
Well she didn't get the description of the show wrong did she? LOL
A Grave (and not so grave) Moment
Each month as I read my Downhome magazine I get a great kick out of the funny stories about things that happen to people in all walks of life. I have such a story, a true one that happened to me when I was the minister at Wesley United Church on Patrick St. in St. John's from 1982-1988.
I had conducted a funeral service for one of my parishioners at the church and then the funeral procession drove to Mt. Pleasant Cemetery for the committal service. When we arrived at the cemetery, the green carpet was already placed over the grave and the undertakers placed the casket on the green carpet. What I didn't know was that when the grave had been dug earlier it was much longer than the size of the casket and those who had dug the grave put extra carpet out to cover the hole. I proceeded with the committal service and when the time came to lower the casket in the grave I stepped forward -- and down I went into the grave!! My prayer book went flying and two of the undertakers took my arms and pulled me out. One of the undertakers said, "Man I never saw a person come out of the grave so fast in my life!" The other undertaker said, "We should all sing the hymn Up From the Grave He Arose!" It was quite an experience for me, and I think even though the mourners were sad at the death of their loved one, this event gave them a chuckle.
Right Colour, Wrong Car
I went into a drugstore in Harbour Breton, Newfoundland one day while my husband waited in our car, a green Ford Tempo. When I came back out of the store, I opened the car door and sat in the front passenger's seat. I never said a word as I waited for my husband to start the car and back out of the parking spot. When nothing happened, I asked "What are you waiting for?" as I turned to look at him. Talk about red cheeks when I discovered that my husband wasn't behind the wheel - and this wasn't our car! While I was in the drugstore, an identical green Tempo had parked right next to ours and I had hopped into the wrong one! The poor driver was speechless. Meanwhile, my husband was watching it all from our car and laughing his head off!
Hair today, air tomorrow.
I've lived away from Newfoundland for over 35 years, yet I still don't always understand what I hear on the mainland. It happened one day when my supervisor was telling me a story about her father in law who had to use a spray to conceal a bad smell. According to her, he had used hair spray which baffled me. I lost track of her story while I tried to understand why he would use this sticky, unsafe spray. Perhaps that's all he had on hand.
When she neared the end, I just had to jump in and ask why on earth he would use hair spray to deodorize a room. She only smiled slightly when she told me that he hadn't. He had used air spray. I was afraid to laugh, but I did.
Perhaps I need another 3 decades of living here to be able to hear, or not ear that elusive,'H'.