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Do you speak Canadian?
I spent last evening with my husbands niece and her son Kaleb in Pennsylvania.
He asked me, "you're from Canada right?"
Kaleb, "How do you say Hello in Canadian?"
Kaleb, "Yeah, how do you say it?"
Kaleb, "Yeah I know how to say it in American, how do you say it in Canadian?"
Kaleb, "No, seriously, how do you say it?"
Me "...ummmm.....Whaddaya at."
Kaleb, "Whaddaya at?" "cool! whaddaya at!.... I can speak Canadian!"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I died!
The orange spider sac
A few years ago I was grocery shopping in one of the largest stores in the city I was living in at the time. I was wandering through the produce isle when I saw the oranges; they looked wonderful and smelled amazing so I decided to pick up a couple. As I was picking through them I observed something small and white stuck to my finger, seeing a spider sac I freaked out; I tossed the orange in my hand and started yelling and shaking my hand vigorously. After what seemed an eternity and practically in tears I realized it was not going to shake off, I stopped shaking my hand so as to scrape it onto the wooden crate the oranges were in. At that point I noticed the "sac" was in fact a sticker off one of the oranges! It was only then that I became conscious of the number of people watching me make a spectacle of myself; I turned calmly and walked away. I didn't get any oranges that day!
Some years ago, with our Newfoundland-Labrador economy in a downturn, my brother decided to take his young family to B.C. for a new beginning. He packed everything in the car including his family and headed out. As they were going through Quebec, they decided to stop at a restaurant. The servers were all French speaking and they found it difficult to order their meals. When the youngest son, 7 years old, asked his mother why she was having trouble ordering she told him that they spoke French in Quebec while most other people in Canada, including NL, spoke English. After they were finished eating and had left the restaurant they were driving through the St. Lawrence valley where herds of cows were grazing. The son looked at his mother and in all sincerity blurted out, "mom, how does a cow say moo in French?"
A friend of mine from Beaumont, Long Island,i nvited her sister and her husband as well as his father for Christmas dinner as they were visiting from Labrador. A great cook, she knew that he loved peas pudding and decided to make one for the occasion. While they were in they were in the living room chatting about old times, she asked her elderly mother, herself a great cook in the traditional NL way, to check and see if the pudding was done. A few minutes later her mother called out to her from the kitchen and told her that the pudding looked kind of odd and lumpy. Some of the peas were cooked but something seemed very different. Upon closer inspection she realized that there were popcorn kernels, ready to explode, mixed in with the peas. She then realized that she had two containers in the kitchen pantry, one for peas and the other for popcorn kernels.The kids had unknowingly put the kernels in the container with the peas. Needless to say she was totally embarrassed and a great laugh was had at her expense!
went to work at our local arena, i had done laundry earlier that day, was running late, grabbed my coat out of the dryer and off to work. got to work, and figure skaters wanted a flood right away. i jumped on zamboni, was doing the flood, and people were laughing and giving me the look.when i finished the flood, and hung up my coat, there were a pair of my wifes panties stuck to the velcro on the back of my coat collar for all to see. was a great laugh.
My husband and I live in Ontario but finally decided it was time for a visit to Newfoundland. Before arriving in Newfoundland we drove over the Cabot Trail where a lot of construction was going on this past summer. Our two week old car was covered in dirt. After spending the night in Codroy Valley we arrived in Corner Brook filled the car with gas and I said "we have to get the car washed"...
At the car wash I told them I just needed a car wash to get the dirt off. A gentleman standing in the office told me "My dear! there is no dirt in Newfoundland. The only dirt here is what you'll hear on the radio!"...then continued to tell me what station to listen to and what time I could hear this dirt!" We're still laughing over his comment.
Life's funny ain't it
Remembering back when I was a kid and there was a bunch of us. One day mother came home with a big surprise for us, a Popsicle on a stick, the first one we ever saw, what a treat, now being so exited and not wanting to eat it all at once what would we do to save half for later,no refrigerators in our area back then, so of course me being the oldest and the smart one I suggested we tie a string on the stick and put the half in the well, sure the cold water would do the trick hey, well it sure did,when we returned to the well to retrieve the remainder of our treat,well you can imagine the look on all our faces, nothing but the line and sticks floating on the water, now boy what a ribbing I took over that, they still remind me of that to this day whenever we get together.
Eaton's Catalogue Order
A number of years ago an older gentlemen living in outport Newfoundland found it difficult to keep toilet paper on hand for his outhouse. With no car and the local store sold out he decided to call Eaton's Catalogue Order Office. When asked by the order desk sales clerk what he wanted to order he said "toilet paper!" She told him he just could call and ask for toilet paper and that he had to have the number next to the toilet paper in the Catalogue. He said, "my dear if I had the Eaton's Catalogue do you think I would be calling you for toilet paper for the outhouse!"
My brother and his wife used to spend a good many weekends at their cabin alongside a pond in central NL. Unfortunately they went in one weekend and discovered that someone had broken in and had taken a number of items. They decided from then on to take some valuables home with them and hide the others. On the next trip to the cabin they found everything to be in order, so they lit the enterprise wood stove and were settling in for the night. Suddenly he told his wife that he smelled plastic burning. She jumped up from the couch when she remembered that she had placed their 12" tv in the oven for safe keeping .Except for a few melted corners they managed to salvage it. They enjoyed a god laugh. Shortly after he went outside and saw the gentleman who owned the next cabin and whose wife had stayed home. He asked him if he wanted to join them for supper. When his neighbour asked what was on the menu, my brother, a known wit, replied, "tv dinner".
A Cheshire Dog
An elderly couple, friends of mine, traveled to Alberta to spend the winter with their daughter and her family.The daughter's mother forgot to remove her false teeth when she retired for the night with her husband. Not wanting to get out of bed again she decided to take them out, wrap them in a tissue and place them under the pillow. Next morning she got up and went to the washroom only to discover that she had forgotten to retrieve them. She went back to the bedroom and to her dismay found that her grandson's dog had chewed them to pieces. She wasn't too happy especially as her husband started to laugh while the dog looked at her with a strange smile on his face!
Our grandson Liam was four years old and our granddaughter Ella was two. It was Dec 23rd and both were very excited about Christmas. Poppa decided to dress up as Santa and bring an early gift to the kids. He sneaked out of the house in his red suit and while we kept the kids away from the windows he walked down to the back of our yard. When he started walking towards the house we made sure the kids were close to the window and could see him. Ella spotted him first and started yelling 'Santa, Santa, and pointing towards him. Liam took one look at Santa, and with a concerned look on his face he ran into his room, jumped into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. Santa came into the house, and it didn't take much coaxing to get Ella up on his knee, but no amount of coaxing could get Liam out of his bed. Finally Santa asked Ella if she would give her cousin a gift for him and of course she said yes. Liam's dad (who was trying to coax him out of bed) said to him "Liam buddy, don't you think you should say thank you to Santa?" Liam quickly jumped out of bed and walked out into the living room rubbing his eyes and said "Santa, I was sleeping." We still talk about this every Christmas, especially when we hear parenta tellng their kids you have to be in bed and fast asleep when Santa comes.
An Honest Mistake
Me and my 2 buddies were on our way to London Ontario and on the way we stopped into an ESSO station to fill up on gas. My buddy decided to take his 4x4 Green Jimmy. I went inside to pay as it was my turn and when I finished paying I noticed that my buddy had pulled around to the front to pick me up. Happily enough I opened the passenger door and hopped in. The lady in the driver seat screamed. It was the exact same vehicle, color and everything. Holy cow I just hopped into a strangers car. Instinctively I turned around to see who was watching, my buddies were cracking up, the gas clerk was laughing. I think I got a bigger scare than the lady in the other truck. Really it was an honest mistake.
Gramma's Back Pack
I am back home to Nfld. after a living in Brampton for many years. My late son , his girlfriend and my three year old grand daughter Jessica Lynn had come to my house for supper. They decided to spend the night, so three year old Jessica, who is now 15, wanted to sleep with with me in Gramma's bed. I had bathed her and put her in my bed. I was going out that night so I put my clean outfit and underwear on the foot of my bed before my shower so I wouldn't have to turn on the light and disturb her sleep. I sat at the very edge of the foot of the bed to dress. I still had a towel wrapped around my head, so thinking Jessica was sound asleep now I was it rubbing my hair dry when I heard a little voice behind say "Gramma." I turned around and here she was with he pajama top off and my bra on her. She said "Look Gramma, just what I always wanted, perfect fit! Just like a backpack!!" I could not contain my laughter!!
A true but funny story
My son Damian is 39 years-old now. When he was younger he learned all of his numbers playing cards with his three older siblings. When he started kindergarten, he was so proud when he came home because he knew all the numbers. He was anxiously waiting to get to the next level.
This day he came home and said mom, my teacher told me today that after the number 10 came 11, 12 and 13. But I told her she was wrong.
I said, she is right Damian, 11, 12 and 13 comes after 10. But mom, he said, after 10 comes Jack, Queen and King.
Not a Cell Phone
My husband would take his 84-year-old father, Gerry, grocery shopping weekly. One day they were shopping and my husband needed to call me to ask about our groceries. He realized that he forgot his cell phone. He spoke of it out loud. Now Gerry likes everyone to know he is up to date on modern technology. He said, "No problem, Tim; you can borrow mine." Tim said, "But Dad, you don't own a cell phone." Gerry said "Oh yes I do" and proceeded to show him. He struggled for quite a while until eventually out of his pants pocket he pulled out the biggest cordless phone they ever made. My husband starts laughing. He said, "Dad, that's not a cell phone." His father said, "Yes it is. I take it outdoors all the time. It just doesn't work so well too far from home." My husband nearly wet his pants from laughing so hard. His father said, "What?" He wouldn't believe it was not a cell phone.
Take my arm
I live in Ontario but visit my mother, Evelyn - who is 86 years (young) - in Corner Brook. My mom wanted me to make new kitchen curtains to take to her. I phoned and asked my mom, "What are the measurements of the window?" She dropped the phone and took off. She was gone a long time and I wasn't sure that she hung up. When she finally came back on the phone, here's what she said: "This is how long they need to be. Take my arm, then add on from the top of my fingers to my elbow." I said, "What?!" She started again, "Take my arm -- " I nearly died laughing. I then said, "How about the width?" The phone was dropped again. A few minutes later she came back and said, "I can't give you the width because my legs are too short!" I laughed again. Between my laughing and crying, I asked mom "Where's your measuring tape?" She said, "Well, you don't think I'm looking for box 49 in that bedroom closet for a darn measuring tape." When I went to Fabricland to buy the fabric, my son and his wife were with me. When the store clerk asked for the length, I said "Take my arm..." We all burst out laughing as I retold the true story.