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Old Man's Pension
Our grandson was looking for an expensive scooter for his ninth birthday. I told him I couldn't afford it. He then asked where I got money from, and I told him I received a pension from the government and that you get this pension when you turn 65, and I called it an Old Age Pension. I then said Nanny will be getting her pension very soon. He asked how much, and I said about $500. With that he took off and ran upstairs to his grandmother yelling, "Nan, Nan, when you get your Old Man's Pension will you buy me a scooter!"
True funny story
Our daughter told us this true funny story. During a funeral service, the minister asked if anyone wanted to say a few words about the deceased.
A young boy, about 10 years old, came forward. he said that his former baseball coach was always happy, funny and jumping around like the Viagra Man on T.V.
The whole congregation burst out laughing.
There was a Aboriginal fella from the NWT who wanted to be a welder. There were no tech schools in the North, so he went to Alberta. All was going good in school till one day they were taking theory on Expansion and Contraction of Metals.
The instructor was telling the class if you heat metal it expands, if you cool it, it contracts. So the Aboriginal fella raises his arm and asks, does this mean it gets bigger or longer when you heat it and smaller if you get it cold.
Yes, the instructor replied.
Thatâs nothing new to our people from up North. We know that for thousand and thousands of years before Europeans came, he said.
Howâs that, Instructor asked.
Well, he replied, our days get hot in the summer. The days get long up?? 24 hours a day.
When winter days get very cold, our days get very short, up to 1 hr of daylight a day.
-Average daylight north 60th parallel, 19 hours in the summer
-Average daylight North 60th parallel in winter: Total Darkness, to 3 Â½ hours per day
4 times the charm
Oliver and I were married in 1950 on Bell Island, N.L. At the time it was an understanding that any wife worth he salt made her own bread. So I tried.
I bought a lovely large white enamel bowl and added all the ingredients. But with each punch to my dough, the enamel came off my bowl, and spoiled my first batch of dough.
We had a large wooden ash-bin with a cover attached to our shed out back of our house. So in went my first batch of bread dough.
My next batch was a disaster too, as I forgot to add the foaming yeast. It too went into the ash-bin
My third try at bread making went well, but the dough wouldnât rise. At last I had to consult my mother on the problem. She said that the water I had added to my years was either too hot or too cold. Again my dough went into the ash-bin.
As I wanted to surprise my new husband with home-made bread, I hadnât told him about my three failed attempts.
So one day when Oliver came home for lunch, he came into the house laughing. âThatâs the best bit of dough Iâve ever seen,â he said.
Apparently, the hot sun had made my bread dough rise and it pushed up the cover of our ash-bin.
After my mother taught me, I made perfect bread for over 60 years.
As a young boy in a family of 14 children we had to use hand-me down clothing from our siblings.On one special ocassion my younger sister received a new dress from my mother. Out side our back bridge , just after a thunderstorm, she twirled around in it to tease me. I, being jealous, immediately jumped from the bridge into a puddle of water and slashed mud all over her new outfit. She started to cry and dad chased me with the intention of some sort of punishment. I ran into our old barn shed and tripped, hitting my head on a piece of iron. I then started to cry and lo and behold, dad gave me a ten cent piece to stop my sobbing. My sister wasn't very happy!
A few years ago...
I recall an incident in downtown St John's many years ago. I was a reporter for the Telegram. I had parked my car at a meter in the morning and went to work. Later that day when I returned to my car I saw a man near the meters obviously having a little trouble. The man approached me and asked if I could help him. I said I was having a problem myself getting my car unlocked from my meter. He looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and said humph and walked away.
Years ago, my husband was chauffeur to nl's premier at that time, Frank Moores.
One day when I was home and my husband was at a friends, the phone rang and I was asked if Wayne was there. I said he wasn't, The gentleman then asked when he would be home. Thinking he was Waynes buddy Frank, I said is that you, Frankie?" and the gentleman replied "yes, my dear, this is the Premier." I just about fainted but Frank Moores teased my husband for years that I was so friendly and called him Frankie...
GOTTA LOVE HERRING
My mother Jean Skinner lives in Country Road, Bay Roberts, Newfoundland. My mother, who loves a meal of fresh fish, or any fish, for that matter, was given some fresh herring one day by one of my brother's many friends that fish, and free heartedly shares the catch with friends, and families. It was around the same time, that my mother had acquired the use of a hearing aide. This took some time to getting use to, so you can imagine her dismay when her audiologist informed her that she required a second hearing aide for the other ear! One afternoon during a telephone conversation with my brother's friend Darryl, who had given her the fish, he asks my mother "Mrs. Skinner, how was your herring?" to which she replied "not very good Darryl, I have one in one ear, and now I have to get another in the other ear!"
Now, you talk about good herring!!
The frost go it
The teacher gave her Grade I class a picture of a flower to colour. Later she came back around to pick them up, to hang them on the wall. When she came to Susie, she noticed she had coloured the flower, stem, and leaves all brown. She asked her why she coloured everything brown. Susie answered, âï¿½ï¿½The frost go it.âï¿½ï¿½
It was a very dull, cold day in late October and an old tom cat was howling his loudest on our front yard. His crying was so loud, the sound could be right inside the house. My wife stood glancing out the window at this cat. Calling to come and see, she said, "What's wrong with that cat?"I simply replied, "It's an old tom cat, and the poor creature is in heat." She looked dazed at me and said "Bill, I'm not that foolish to believe you. How can that cat be in heat? When the sun is not even shining."
My six year old granddaughter Emma, who was visiting from Kelligrews, went to spend the afternoon playing with her friend Ella. They had so much fun playing together that Emma was looking forward to spending the next day with her. However, when Emma left Ella's house to come home, Ella's mom told Emma that maybe she wouldn't be able to come the next day to play with Ella because they were planning a little trip to Change Islands.
When Emma got up the next morning, she telephoned to see if whether or not Ella was home. While on the phone, she looked at me with that disappointed look non her face and said "Nanny, they switched islands."
My cats are trying to give me a heart attack
so I got these 3 cats,they are pretty good cats...they use the litter,don't make a mess when they eat and yes they leave cats hair around...but got to expect that..great hunters..keeps the garden free of shrews and field mice...sooooo tonight I was going around picking up their newest deposits of hair clumps, bent down to grab one up in the porch and immediately dropped it as it felt strange,thought it was a litter accident...gross.....but alas it was not,it was a DEAD SHREW brought in to me as a gift I am guessing...not cool cats...NOT COOL!!!!
so all day I have been having an issue with the bottom of my foot...felt numb. Now I have nerve damage in both feet and just thought it was a flare up..great!!....so a little while ago I figured I would soak my feet before they got to bad,took off my sock and what do you think was wrong??..a Breath Right Nasal Strip was stuck to the bottom of my foot....happy it's not a flare up, but imagine if I went to the doctors about it...I am always on the verge of getting locked up for a "Rest"
So I went in yesterday to get my license renewed and had to get a new picture taken, dear lord.....so he told me to sit down, take off my glasses and look at the blue light..problem...couldn't see any blue light without glasses and I have an extremely lazy eye....don't smile either,ok?..so he hands my my new license...well I got 1 eye staring at the floor while the other special 1 is checking out the waiting area to my left.....if I ever gets stopped I will immediately be arrested for escaping the Waterford....I signed my organ donor card as well, but when that day comes hopefully they won't be using my eyes cause some poor soul will be chasing their arse like a dog chasing it's tail...but on the bright side my hair looks really shiny
Recently, while at a large grocery store, my brother was waiting to be checked in. Suddenly there was an extremely loud bang and the look on people's faces including his own was unbelievable. When he came to find out, a large metal cabinet had toppled over and had hit the concrete floor! All were relieved but the effects of our modern society had struck home.