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Try This Trick
One sunny day, my brother-in-law Lorne was sitting in the backyard with his three-year-old grandson Jack. Lorne was enjoying a rare cigar, and much to Jack's delight, was blowing smoke rings. After much giggling and cries for more, more, more, Jack finally said, "Okay, Poppy, now make me an X."
A Crash Course
Some years ago, I worked at the Iron Ore Company of Canada bush camp and construction site in Western Labrador. The area was called the Carol Project and, later, Labrador City. The only access to the site was by air, or on a branch rail line from The Quebec and North Shore & Labrador railway from Seven Islands.
Therefore, it was with no little interest that my best friend and roommate brought in his brand new 1961 Volkswagen Beetle. With very few automobiles on the site, interest in riding in it became very high.
It was not unusual, therefore, for our friends to ask to take the Beetle for a spin. My friend, being the genial chap that he was, handed one friend, Pat, the keys and bid him happy journey. Pat hopped in and took off.
Now the only road in the camp was either to the mine site, which was off limits to the general public, or to the airstrip, a distance of about one mile. A company Beaver aircraft used for commuting to Knob Lake and Seven Islands was parked at the end of the airstrip, where the gravel road ended with a sharp turn and downhill slope.
Travelling this road at a fairly good clip, Pat drove around the turn, down the slope and was unable to control the Beetle. He crashed the car into the plane, shearing off the landing gear and causing other minor damage.
The Beaver was out of commission for about two weeks and Pat was chastised for not driving carefully enough.
Grand-daughter's Love For Pop
We were down visiting our 4 year old Grand-daughter in Trinidad and while she was sitting on her Pop's lap, she looked at him in the eye and said, "Pop, when I grow up I'm going to marry you!"
My Most Embarrassing Moment
It was August 1943. I got home after work, hopped on my bicycle and peddled off to the Mille Isle River for a swim. Along with me was my pet dog, an Airdale named Bozo.
On my way I saw a girl I knew at the roadside talking with her parents and sister. So I stopped to say hello. After a few moments I noticed that Bozo was becoming very restless but I, stupidly, ignored him.
Then the people I was talking with started laughing and laughing, looking towards the ground and Bozo. I suddenly felt something on my leg. When I looked down, there was Bozo relieving himself on my leg, and he did not miss one squirt.
Needless to say, I was very embarrassed and was never allowed to live the event down.
My 5 year old daughter announced at supper one evening that she had found a new channel on TV that she liked. She said "Mom, I loves that new channel 26"!.
I replied "Oh? I'm not sure what that channel is about".
She said "you knows the one where they're fighting all the time and everyone hates each other"!!
She then proceeded to put channel 26 on to show me. And lo and behold...it was the House of Commons channel!!!!
Well she didn't get the description of the show wrong did she? LOL
A Grave (and not so grave) Moment
Each month as I read my Downhome magazine I get a great kick out of the funny stories about things that happen to people in all walks of life. I have such a story, a true one that happened to me when I was the minister at Wesley United Church on Patrick St. in St. John's from 1982-1988.
I had conducted a funeral service for one of my parishioners at the church and then the funeral procession drove to Mt. Pleasant Cemetery for the committal service. When we arrived at the cemetery, the green carpet was already placed over the grave and the undertakers placed the casket on the green carpet. What I didn't know was that when the grave had been dug earlier it was much longer than the size of the casket and those who had dug the grave put extra carpet out to cover the hole. I proceeded with the committal service and when the time came to lower the casket in the grave I stepped forward -- and down I went into the grave!! My prayer book went flying and two of the undertakers took my arms and pulled me out. One of the undertakers said, "Man I never saw a person come out of the grave so fast in my life!" The other undertaker said, "We should all sing the hymn Up From the Grave He Arose!" It was quite an experience for me, and I think even though the mourners were sad at the death of their loved one, this event gave them a chuckle.
Right Colour, Wrong Car
I went into a drugstore in Harbour Breton, Newfoundland one day while my husband waited in our car, a green Ford Tempo. When I came back out of the store, I opened the car door and sat in the front passenger's seat. I never said a word as I waited for my husband to start the car and back out of the parking spot. When nothing happened, I asked "What are you waiting for?" as I turned to look at him. Talk about red cheeks when I discovered that my husband wasn't behind the wheel - and this wasn't our car! While I was in the drugstore, an identical green Tempo had parked right next to ours and I had hopped into the wrong one! The poor driver was speechless. Meanwhile, my husband was watching it all from our car and laughing his head off!
Hair today, air tomorrow.
I've lived away from Newfoundland for over 35 years, yet I still don't always understand what I hear on the mainland. It happened one day when my supervisor was telling me a story about her father in law who had to use a spray to conceal a bad smell. According to her, he had used hair spray which baffled me. I lost track of her story while I tried to understand why he would use this sticky, unsafe spray. Perhaps that's all he had on hand.
When she neared the end, I just had to jump in and ask why on earth he would use hair spray to deodorize a room. She only smiled slightly when she told me that he hadn't. He had used air spray. I was afraid to laugh, but I did.
Perhaps I need another 3 decades of living here to be able to hear, or not ear that elusive,'H'.
My nephew and his wife were visiting from Ontario, they stayed at my sister's home. My nephew was sitting at the breakfast table one morning and when my brother-in-law comes in, my sister says to her husband "I knows you didn't do no snoring last night!" He replies, "Yes I knows I did." She replies "No I knows you didn't!" When my nephew goes back home he puts it on Facebook - my aunt and uncle from Newfoundland having a morning conversation. I'm betting his friends are still trying to figure that one out. We are so unique, every time I tell this story I get so many laughs. I thought I would share again. By the way my nephew loves Newfoundland and why wouldn't he?
Sex in Newfoundland...
as the Newfoundland-born son of a Newfoundlander, of a Newfoundlander, I am justifiably proud of my heritage...we have something that nobody else has...Newfoundland...
in my efforts to document my roots, I requested a copy of the death certificate of my grandfather, who passed away at the age of 84 in 1978...when I opened and read the birth certificate, his marital status was listed as Married...and his sex was listed as Married...seems that, in Newfoundland, you can have sex, or be married, but not both?...
My First Fishing Season in Forteau Bay
My Name is Robert Butt and I was born in 1949 in Blanc Sablon. I then moved to English Point at the age of seven. I grew up fast and went fishing with Stanley Trimm at age 16. In the month of June he called me to go fishing with him, casting for caplin, fixing up our wharf, we had to put new planks on it each year and get trawls ready to fish.
This day we went out fishing. It was blowing a nice breeze of wind and it was cold. We hauled our trawl and was getting fish. Stan's hands got cold, he had arthritis. He asked me if I could haul and bait the trawl by myself because he was going to light a fire in the galvanized washing tub he has with firewood in it. After the fire was going he said, "I have a mind to stew a fish." I said, "It's up to yourself sir but it's awful cold." "Well," he said, "I'm warm now." He started to cough and leaned over the boat and his teeth came out in the water. They were going down, twirling down around right to the bottom. He swore a few times. I was hauling along on the trawl and I had a big fish on, I put my knee on the cuddy to get a better balance when I heard something scrunching. I looked down and there was Stan's glasses. I couldn't tell him about the big fish I was about to haul up because I just broke his glasses. I was still hauling up the fish when he asked for his glasses and I had the cold shivers come over me, I had to say I just knelt on your glasses. Oh what a roar came out of him. "Throw it all over board now!" he said, still mad about his glasses and teeth. His oaths were fighting.
Well he went back to the motor, an old 33. She had a hatch on her. He pulled the hatch open and tried to start the motor. He cursed then he said to me, "Do you think you can get this thing going?" I said, "I'll try." I hauled the cord out about six inches and wrapped it around my hand. I had my foot on the counter and pulled and she caught. Stan was starting to walk up to the head of the boat when the motor caught full speed ahead. He had her in gear so she gave a big shot ahead and hear comes Stan back towards me over one tot and hit the second one and skinned out his head, smashing his pipe at the same time. He got up and he swore and swore and swore. I thought the devil would take the two of us. He sat down and I drove the boat in, he didn't say a word. When we got to wharf he didn't even tie the boat on. He just got up on the wharf and walked on home still cursing. I tied on the boat and went home. I was telling Dad what had happened. I said, "I'll never get back fishing again with him."
By and by I saw him out by his house. When he saw me he sang out to me to come over. I said to Dad, "I'm finished for sure he won't want me anymore." I went over and he said, "Do you think you can haul that trawl by yourself?"
"I think so," I said, "if the tide is right."
Stan said, "Get your gas out of the store." When I was on my way down to the wharf with the tank in my hand he sang out to me again, "Bobby" with a couple of laughs, "when you goes out, if you pulls up a fish with a pair of glasses, set of teeth and a pipe in his mouth you tell him Stanley Trim is looking for him."
That's a Stretch
My name is Pat Carew from Witless Bay. I am 88 plus 10 months. I have five girls & boys. My oldest girl is 68. I was laying on my couch one Sunday morning in June. I was listening to the radio and I dosed to sleep and when I woke and stretched my little girl was looking at me. I said, "I'd stretch to Tors Cove now only for the trouble of walking back." And she looked at me and said, "Daddy you could come back on the bus." I am after telling it some often but I never wrote it before. After 70 years I finally did, it may be worth printing. Thank you.