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A Funny Story
I grew up in a small NL outport called Dennis's Cove. There were no pubs nearby for men to gather to have a drink and share stories, so some men brewed their own beer. My dad did, and he kept it in a barrel behind the stove. One afternoon, when I was between five and six years old, Mom and her friend left us kids with Dad and our neighbour and their child. The women went off for the long walk to another settlement. Dad and our neighbour thought it was a good time to put on a new brew, as they were getting low. First they poured themselves what was left in the barrel, then dumped the remainder, which was mostly grouts, outside by the doorstep. While the kids played outside, they enjoyed the last of the beer as they cleaned out the barrel and put on a fresh brew. Our hens were roaming around outside the house, pecking at the ground like they do. Later in the afternoon, we noticed the hens acting kind of strange, clucking loudly and stumbling about. The door to the house was open and a couple of hens got inside. One flew up on top of the stove. There wasn't any fire in, as it was a warm day, and the hen laid an egg right there on the stove! Then a second hen flew atop the wood box and laid an egg there. What the men came to realize is that the hens must have been pecking at the beer grouts they'd thrown outside and they'd become intoxicated! When the women returned, they found the kids were hungry for supper, hens had made a mess in the kitchen, and the men were having a great laugh at it all. Not likely that they were left in charge again anytime soon! - Norma Noel Bridgeport, NL
Attending mass at the beginning of an East Coast family reunion back in the 1990s, we were gifted with a few extra words from the parish priest after mass was out and the congregation had left. As he stood at the front of our section, up on the pew so we could all see him, and finally took a breath from his sermon, my nephew's little boy, four-year-old Mason, piped up: "Are you done yet, God?" Submitted by Marilyn Thorpe
What did you say?
I am a from the beautiful community of Herring Neck, NL. In the '90s I was on one of my physiotherapy clinical placements in Mississauga, Ontario. At the time, there was a Newfoundland garden party at a local campground near Mississauga. Of course, a group of my Newfoundland friends and I all decided to go. We were sitting on the field listening to the Irish Descendants play and from behind me I thought I heard someone say "Herring Neck." Naturally, thinking there was a fellow Herring Necker in the crowd, I whipped my head around with enthusiasm and said "Did you say you were from Herring Neck?" A not so enthusiastic woman responded, "No...I told my husband he had a hairy neck." - Colleen Jones Down
Horse in a bag
Nflders are noted for their jokes, funny stories and their overall wit. Though the characters may change over the years the stories remain the same. A gentleman on the west coast who was noted for the love of a drop of drink was also very witty. One particular time as he came out of a bar, he walked along the train track and watched a couple of other gentlemen trying to get a horse into the boxcar. Knowing that a horse would move more easily if it was blindfolded they decided to put a burlap sack over its head and smack it on the rump. Not to miss an oppourtunity the wit blurted out "boys you'll never get that big horse in that small bag!"
Hearing Aid Woes
My brother- in -law related to me that a friend of the family was having hearing difficulties. Her husband was constantly having to raise his voice so he encoraged her to get it checked out. After being examined by an audiologist it was recommended that she get hearing aids. After she got them she went home and was met by her husband at the door. She looked at him intently and said "can you hear me now George?"
Tech savvy kids!
While visiting my daughter and her family over the Christmas holidays, my daughter Kelly was giving my grandson Nathan, who's five, a bath. She opened a new bar of Dove soap and gave it to him. He looked at it and said, "Mommy this soap has the Twitter bird on it." Lol!
Twin Falls Labrador
In 1962, I was a Nfld Pro. Engineer hired by Brinco to work on the Twin Falls Project. My wife and family also came to the work site. I remember on one occasion Mr. H. Beardsley, president of the Twin Falls, project gave a short talk and ended with the following...
I think of those girls, those wonderful dolls,
who followed their menfolk up to Twin Falls,
no fresh fruit, no paved roads, no cultural events,
they arrived in muskegs and first lived in tents,
but they loved the wide spaces, the freedom, the snow,
the sun on their faces, the soft arctic glow,
the long winter evenings when mans work was done,
the wild New Year's parties, the laughter the fun,
they were cold, they were lonely and they surely were bitten,
their heroic deeds will just never be written,
so here's to those wives, those wonderful dolls,
who stuck by their menfolk and settled Twin Falls.
All very true
When my last child was born, the doctor phoned home and told my husband that we had a bouncing baby boy. When I came home from the hospital, our older son asked me if our new baby had springs inside of him. "Why would you think that?" I asked. "Because," he said, "the doctor told us we had a bouncing baby boy!" Submitted by Isabel England
We were sitting in our living room one evening with my son Josh and his wife April when we heard a thump in the bedroom. April ran to our 2 year old grand daughter Emily's room , she had fallen out of bed to the floor. She looked up at her mother and said mommy I dropped me
Many years ago as a young lad ,I was enthralled by the many stories told to me by my grandparents. One in particular put a chill into my bones. My grandmother told me that you should never whistle while alone in the woods as fairies would take you away and you might never return. Shortly after hearing this story from my grandmother a friend and I decided to go trouting in Anderson's pond about 2 kms north of GrandFalls-Windsor. As he had chores to do I decided to meet him in there and get a head start in catching the trout. I cut an alder, fitted it with a black line and hook and started to catch a few mud trout. An hour later he still was not there and I began to feel nervous as black bears were often seen in the area. To relax I started to whistle when suddenly I remembered what grandmother told me about the fairies. I started to shake uncontrollably and my stomach started to churn. I dropped the pole, left the trout on the the ground, and started to run for home. I fell flat on my face a couple of times into the bog and mud but did not stop until I reached the town.It took me a while to get over that fear, and needless to say , my buddy knew I wasn't too happy.
A few years ago my sister moved back from Alberta. She was wanting all types of wild meat. She asked me to bring her some seal liver, kidneys,etc. So happened we had some, & I had to take a plane to where she was living.So I packed them in my little red hand held cooler, & was passing it to the pilot on the little twin otter plane. When doing so I looked at him and said organs. He was flying those planes on the coast for years, and gave me the look that nothing surprises him any more.Put the cooler on the plane, and off we went, bringing the goods to my poor wild hungry sister.
Blood of a Spud By Calli Strickland (Dedicated to Sandy Strickland)
Note: After becoming well known for blowing up baked potatoes in the oven despite stabbing them, my daughter submitted the following poem to her English teacher.She received an excellent mark for her effort!
His beady eyes
Ever so taunting
Watch me in silence
As I approach
Trying to hide my fear
Mustering all the courage inside of me
I raise my spear
And plunge it into his heart
Over and over
I scream bloody murder
As I puncture his skin
Until my victim
Is satisfyingly wounded
I send him off
When all seems well
And I feel as though I have finally won
He gives me one final look
Before he self destructs
Splattered over the walls
I sigh in defeat
At the loss of yet another
Oh mighty potato
I will conquer you
The Phone Call
Here's what happens when your wife and mom have the same name.
The Phone Call ...
I once received a phone call, not knowing where the call was coming from and a lady asked if she could speak to Bernice.
I said "Sorry, but Bernice is not here right now... Can I take a message?
Lady... "Are you her son?" Me... "No, I'm her man." Lady..."I'm calling to schedule an appointment for her because we will be coming to your area soon." Me..."Well, she's gone up to Fort Mac now and won't be home until Dec 12th."
Lady... "She's gone for a little holiday, is she?
Me... "No, she's gone up there working";
Lady... "Oh really, you've got to be kidding me"and then she started laughing.
Me... "No maid, She had a bad year at the fish plant and she needed more hours to qualify for her E.I. The sooner she gets home the better to because she's been gone since September and when she gets home we've got some serious catching up to be doin.
Lady... Starts laughing again.
Lady... "Would sometime in January be ok then?" Me... "Sure, as long as it's before the 15th."
Lady... She gave me the date
Me... "Let me check my schedule first... Great because I'm not working that day either"
Lady... "Oh, you work to, do you?
Me... "Yes maid, no rest for the weary."
Lady... Started laughing again and we said Good-Bye
Later on that day mom dropped in and I told her about the phone call I had for Bernice and the laughing lady.
Mom started laughing and crossed her legs to keep from peeing her pants.
I said to her "What's so funny"
She said "That call was meant for me, not Bernice
Then we both had a big laugh at it.
Mom was 88 at the time and the call was from the hearing aid company.
I'm 95 years young, when I was a young office worker a clerk in an adjoining office had the last name of "Pretty" A new clerk by the name of "Knott" was hired and when the introduction was made in our office he said "one is Pretty and one is Knott." True Story..
We were getting ready to go shopping, when I picked up my eye glasses one of the lens fell out. I took them to the centre for eye glasses, asked if someone could fix it. She looked at the problem and said, "There is a screw loose." I said, "Oh, it runs in the family." She was laughing so hard I was afraid she would lose the screw, but she fixed it! - Calvin Goosney
Dangers of Driving
My Uncle Adrian Hunt from Rushoon is a salt-of-the-earth guy, and was a hard-working fisherman all his life. He's also been known to make the occasional slip of the tongue, such as when he sang the following line in the traditional Irish song "Black Velvet Band" : "...and her eyes hung over her sho-oul-der!" (instead of "And her hair, it hung over her shoulder"). My favourite Uncle Adrian story, however, occurred when the family was discussing the dangers of driving on the Burin Peninsula. After hearing a news story on Here and Now about a car accident, my uncle (who never drove) got a pensive look, and made the statement, "Yes, b'y, driving is pretty dangerous...you can't take your eyes of the road for five minutes!" - David Roche Athens, Ohio (originally from Conception Bay South, NL)
My husband and I had a cabin in Howley, Newfoundland. After fishing, we would drive around the lake. On this particular day we saw a moose near the road. I had seen lots of moose before, but none this close. We stopped and I got out with my camera. The moose was only about 15 feet away. It looked at me, twitched its ear and pawed the ground. I turned and asked my husband, who was still sitting safe in the Jeep, "What should I do if he comes towards me?" My husband casually replied, "Try to catch the Jeep!" - Myrtle Byrne Corner Brook, NL