One of the most admired qualities in Newfoundlanders and Labradorians is our sense of humour. We can laugh at ourselves, pull a fast one on a friend, or tell a joke with the best of them. Give our collection of jokes a read and have a laugh telling them at your next family gathering.
Dried Up
One morning my son, Laken and my dad, Rex were eating breakfast together. My dad asked Laken if he wanted a slice of raisin bread, and Laken responded "no." After pondering, he asked what were raisins and my dad replied, "dried grapes." My dad then went on saying that dried plums were prunes. As Laken was getting ready for school he saw a Toronto Maple Leaf face towel hanging and decided to ask what a dried up Toronto man was??? With a grin and a fast comeback my dad replied, "A Montreal Canadian."
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The Nag An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last minute plea for clemency to the judge had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where ... click to read moreAn attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last minute plea for clemency to the judge had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?'
'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of rum and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered
and was told that her husband's client, Bobby Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!' ... Hide full submission
Star Stuck
"Doc, you've got to help me," the man said. "Every time I drive down a country lane, I find myself singing 'Green, Green Grass of Home.' Every time I see a cat I sing, 'What's New, Pussycat?' And last night I sang 'Delilah' in my sleep. I tell you, Doc, my wife was not at all amused."
The doctor replied, "I wouldn't worry. It seems you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones Syndrome."
"I have never heard of that. Is it common?" the man asked.
"It's not unusual," was the reply.
Veronica Healey Fox Harbour, Newfoundland
(2.5 rating, 2 votes)
Highway Humour
Phil was driving down a country road late one night when he felt a big thud. He got out of the car and looked around, but the road was empty. Since there was nothing else to be done, Phil drove home.
The next morning, the sheriff was standing at Phil's doorstep. "You're under arrest for hitting a pig and leaving the scene," the lawman told Phil with a frown.
Phil couldn't believe his ears. "But how could you possibly know that's what happened?" he asked.
"it wasn't hard," the sheriff replied. "The pig squealed."
Veronica Healey Fox Harbour, Newfoundland
(0 rating, 0 votes)
Riddle
A little riddle I learned as a child - hope you like it:
I went in the woods and found it
I sat on a log looking for it
I couldn't find it
so I took it home with me
Answer: Splinter
Jean Brown CBS, NL
(1 rating, 1 votes)
A Trim and a Shave!
While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.
The barber replies with a solution and pulls a small wooden ball out of this cabinet drawer. "Place the wooden ball between your cheek and gum on the right side and you will have a close shave on that side."
The man does this, and the barber shaves the right side of his face.
"Wow," exclaims the man, "that is great!" He puts the ball on the left side of his mouth, and with muffled voice asks, "Wht happons if I akkidentally swawo du bawll?"
The barber says, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.
