One of the most admired qualities in Newfoundlanders and Labradorians is our sense of humour. We can laugh at ourselves, pull a fast one on a friend, or tell a joke with the best of them. Give our collection of jokes a read and have a laugh telling them at your next family gathering.
If a Seagull Did That, I'd Hate to See an Eagle. . . A joke I learned while working on tug boats in the western Arctic, NWT:
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notices that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook and eye patch. The seaman asks, "So how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea and I was swept overboard ... click to read moreA joke I learned while working on tug boats in the western Arctic, NWT:
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notices that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook and eye patch. The seaman asks, "So how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?"
"Well," replies the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarks the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"
"Seagull dropping fell into my eye," replies the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asks incredulously.
"Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook." ... Hide full submission
Edward Murphy Marystown, NL
(2.92 rating, 13 votes)
How many times
This is a riddle that I know about, but I didn't come up with myself!
Question: How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Answer: Only one time. After that, you would be subtracting from 20.
Trouble Sleeping Shamus went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble.
Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.
Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."... click to read moreShamus went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble.
Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.
Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shamus.
Six months later the doctor met Shamus on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
Love story with a twist (Riddle)
I will seek and find you...
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you...
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan...
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop...
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you...
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days...
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Firefighter and little girl A firefighter is working outside the station when he notices a little girl in a little red wagon with small ladders on the sides, a garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter takes a closer look. "That sure is a nice firetruck," the firefighter says with high regard.
"Thanks," the girl says! ... click to read moreA firefighter is working outside the station when he notices a little girl in a little red wagon with small ladders on the sides, a garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter takes a closer look. "That sure is a nice firetruck," the firefighter says with high regard.
"Thanks," the girl says!
The firefighter notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's tail.
"Little lady," the firefighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but...then I wouldn't have a siren!"
50th anniversary couple!
They had lived together in the backwoods for over 50 years. To celebrate their 50th anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plosh hotel. She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!" replied the bellman. "Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
