Love Gone Wrong

  • Downhome Magazine
  • Posted: Jan 31, 2020 10:38 AM

 Our readers bare their stories, and a poem, of romance gone awry!

Hunt for Romance

By Karen R. Doyle, Saint John, NB

On our 25th wedding anniversary our daughters sent us to PEI with an all-expense paid weekend. I wanted to do something even better for our 26th. I planned a scavenger hunt for my husband: the prize was me!

I left clues throughout the city of Saint John for him to find me. With each clue he was to gather items I left for him, for us to have for that evening (candles, champagne glasses, evening wear etc.). The last clue was at a Tim Hortons (his home away from home), where he was to pick up a bottle of champagne. My sister-in-law called me from Tims to let me know he was on his way. He was to find me in a hot tub surrounded by bubbles.

Well, he got lost.

By the time he found me, a hour or so later (which was only a 10-minute drive from Tims), I was all shrivelled up and cold - not in the mood for much. I got dressed, we went out to eat, came back and went to bed... Yeah, right.

 

Horse Ride

By Nancy Crossman

Moncton, NB

 

Taking a romantic ride today

We sat upon the wagon

Suddenly the horse lifted his tail

And we heard a roaring dragon!

 

The deafening sound hurt my ears

And the smell burned the hairs in my nose

My girlfriend sat and glared at me

Somehow my fault I suppose.

 

It was my idea to take the ride

But how was I to know?

It really wasn’t in my plans

Didn’t know the horse would blow.

 

The noise and the smell were bad enough

As the wind blew quickly by

But I think the very worst of it

Was the brown stuff in my eye.

 

My girlfriend’s face turned angry red

So I figured I wouldn’t dare

Advise her of the smelly pieces

Of horse stuff in her hair.

 

When the horse finally stopped

My girl ran away, stubbornly lifting her chin

I think that horse was enjoying himself

Cause I’m sure I saw him grin.

 

A lesson learned for me today

Although I must confess

I laughed so hard I nearly cried

As I wiped away the mess.


 

Not So Romantic Stroll in the Woods

By Barb Day

Paris, ON


I’m not a morning person, but I let my husband talk me into hitting the trails one November day just past sunrise. We were experiencing Indian summer, and it was incredible weather for this time of year.

We drove to an area where he informed me he’d been before and knew the trails. Good thing, because I have a lousy sense of direction. Sometimes I even get lost with the GPS!

We parked our truck and hit the trail. Most of the leaves had already fallen and left a stunning russet carpet that crunched beneath our hiking boots. The spicy scent of autumn drifted in the air. We even came across a crystal pond of Canada geese, honking and preparing to take flight.

Although my husband had to convince me to go for this trail walk, he was right. This was very romantic. The magnificence of autumn’s sapphire sky with a kaleidoscope of swirling auburn and gold at our feet, and a subtle hint of coolness in the delicate breeze was nature at its finest.

Suddenly I remembered something. I had recently heard about a person being mauled by coyotes. I asked my husband if there were any in this area. He laughed and guaranteed there were definitely no coyotes here. I didn’t entirely believe him and began planning my escape, just in case.

It was mid-morning when we started to head back. The surroundings didn’t look familiar anymore. Hubby whispered under his breath that he thought we might be lost.

“What! What do you mean we’re lost?”

I panicked. This was a vast wooded area. We could be wandering around all day. Lucky we came early. If we had come late, we would be rambling about in the dark. Can you imagine? We’d never find our way out then!

Hubby was marching along a good distance in front of me now. The romantic stroll in the woods had quickly come to an end. The man dragged me out into this godforsaken forest for a stupid, boring trail walk and had the nerve to walk 20 feet ahead of me! It was quite obvious he did this on purpose so as not to listen to my relentless grumbling.

Finally, we spotted a lady walking two whippets. We asked for directions, and she explained the way back. Hubby assured me I had panicked for nothing. We followed her directions exactly, but suddenly the trail ended. You couldn’t go any farther. That lady knew the trails like the back of her hand all right! That lady knew squat!

We turned and headed in the opposite direction. Hubby was at least 50 feet ahead of me now. We trudged along for what seemed like hours.

Then miraculously, the trees seemed to part, and there lo and behold was our vehicle. The old pickup truck seemed to be surrounded by a glowing, ethereal light, and I’m sure I heard a choir of angels singing. We had finally found the parking lot.

It would be a long time before we attempted another romantic hike in the woods.